pregnancy and first month post partum
my pregnacy was a very easy one phisically, I didn’t have morning sickness or body aches. and I also didn’t have any weird cravings, besides the weird eating habbits I already had. but even though phisically I was feeling amazing mentally it was totally diffrent, I naturally worry to much and in my pregnancy it was no diffrent. I worried about having miscarrage the first months even though my docter told me every time not to worry and that everything looked great. in my second trimester I worried about my parantal authority because I was 17 when I had her, and in the Netherlands you have to go to court to get parental authority when you’re under 18. so I filled out a request and went to my lawyer to get the baal rolling, she didn’t think it was gone be hard because I didn’t have anything that would make the judge deside against me. but faith turned against me and my parents filled a notice of objection, because they felt like I couldn’t do it. it was devastating for me and I felt so ashamed, my parents didn’t even trust me with my own child. they didn’t even trust my boyfriend who was already 18, so they went against us in court. because of that there needed to come a invertigation on whether or not we were competent as parents, and if our living invironment was good enough for a baby. I was due end of fabruary and our next session was in january, so you probebly will get how the rest of my pregnancy went mentally. we got the results in the mail the same week I was due, and finally faith had turned my way again because my request had been aproved. that was one of the happiest days of my life, I finelly had my security about the parental authority. and I felt ready to welcome my baby girl in to the world. but she had other plans she stayed put for two more weeks, in the end the doctors decided to induce me at 42 weeks. I wasn’t scared of giving birth but I was scared of giving birth in hospital, and especially about the needles one of my biggest fears. I had my whole birth planed out I wanted a water birth, with lots or walking and doing whatever made me feel the most comforteble. but because I was induced I couldn’t have a water birth I wasn’t even allowed to shower, I wasn’t allowed to walk around or move however I wanted. I needed to lay on a bed and breath my way true, but that just wasn’t for me so I said to the nurse I need to go to the toilet. she switched my monitor of and helped me to the bathroom were I have walked and squatted to help me feel more comfortable. it did work and I was soon ready to push, I pushed for 45 minutes and in the end they wanted to cut me to help her find her way but I wouldn’t let them. they tried to persuade me but I was to stuburn, one push that was all I needed in the end so I did and out she came. my whole birth I didn’t have pain, I wasn’t scared I just went the full 100% and let my instinct take over. I didn’t tore and I didn’t need stitches so I was ready to go home the same day if I wanted to. but we desided to stay one night for some help with breastfeeding. after the birth I felt so good I wanted to go and walk aroud with my baby right away, but when I walked to the bathroom on my own I felt how much birthing had asked from me. and that I really needed to take it more slow. the day we went home I felt like I could take on the world, okey I was a bit sore but nothing bad. nursing went great the first few days, I did get blisters and it did hurt a lot at firts but I was wiling to go true all of that. at the end of the first week she had lost 10% of her birth weight and we needed to suplement her just so she wouldn’t loose more weight. my body didn’t feel sore anymore at the end of the second week, thats when I felt healed for the most part. at the end of the first month my belly had turned in to a sad saggy sack of loose skin with a bit of baby weight. I felt so happy in being a mom but so depressed about how my belly looked, my boobs had never looked better but the rest of my body I was really not happy about. but I didn’t start exercising jet because I didn’t feel ready, my eating habbits weren’t the best but I also didn’t really care. I found it more inportand to take care of my new baby then to cook a special dinner.
month 2 to 4
I was still wearing meternity wear because my body wasn’t really getting smaller, by belly did become less saggy but not a whole lot. by month 3 it had taken the look of a real mommy tummy. and my selfasteam was very low. I felt like I was never gonna get rid of my mommy tummy, but did not give up jet. at that time I had researched some more about what could be causing my mommy tummy and how I could fix it. I found some information about that some women don’t lose their baby weight until they get there period back, and sinds I had been breastfeeding I did not jet have my period back so that made me feel a bit better. then I found information regarding a diastasis recti and tested myself for it, and I found ou that I have a abdominal gab (diastasis recti) from my rib cage all the way down to my pubic bone of two vingers wide and at the belly button even three vingers wide. I was shocked this was something I had never heard of, and I did not know anything about it. so my next step was reserching. I’ve searched day after day on how to fix it and what not to do, and found a few exersises that I was gone do from that day forward. but after about one month I just forgot to do them reguarly, my gab went back to where it had started and that made me feel real down about myself again. at the end of month 4 I looked in the mirror and expected for nothing to have changed. but when I obsuved myself closely after not having looked at the mirror for one month I saw some change my skin had become tighter, it wasn’t something majeure but it was enough for me to get more motivated.
month 5 to 7
at five months I had started exersising bit by bit, I aimed for twice a week but it was more like once a week sometimes once every two weeks. I did start walking a lot at that time witch also counts as exercise I guess, I did that every other that with distances of a minumum of 5 km in one day. on a good day I would even walk 20 km without stopping more then once. at that time I felt so good in my body because I was feeling stronger and stronger, but my reflection didn’t show that. my legs and my but did get more toned but that was the least I would expect with al the walking I did. at 6 months I changed up my eating habbits to incorperate more whole foods and less oils, that helped a little and my body started showing some results it still was very slow but atleast the people around me started noticing some changes aswell. when 7 months came along I started getting worried because I still did not get my period and I knew I wasn’t pregnant. so I researched again and found that it is completely normal for your period to stay away when you are breastfeeding, some woman even don’t have periods for 3 years after having a baby, that eased my mind a bit. at 7 months I also started to wear more tight fitting clothes because I felt more comfortable in my own body.
month 8 to 12
this is where the real change in my body happend, at 8 months I just kept on going with what I was doing exept I started walking less because winter was about to hit. up to this point I had lost one dress size and gained 2 cup sizes. at 9,5 months my period came back, and then I lost one dress size in a month. from that month forwards I have kept motivated, and started doing my diastasis recti exersises again and I started yoga again. I now enjoy my exersise and still love the food I make. at 10 months I had a total dieët change, I cut out almost all junk food and started thinking more positively again. it has made such a big diffrence in my mental health aswell as phisically, I now wear tight clothing and enjoy it. I still got my insecure moment because of my mommy tummy. but it is not something I’m upsesing about anymore, because I know I’m working on my new fitness goal. witch is being healthy and strong, I don’t have to be skinny or go back to how I looked before. I now love my new womanly figure, and I’m working on getting it strong not small. because I want my daughter to learn that “you are youre own kind of beautiful, and nobody has the right to make you feel any less beautiful then you deserve to” and just so I can show of my progress here is a picture on the left in the picture is me at 6 months post partum and the right is me 12 months post partum. I feel stronger and healthyer, I have more energy and actually love seeing my own reflection now.